Tuesday, May 18, 2004
well.still feeling all wierd.im angry at myself.cos i dont knwo why i give such a reaction.what was my reaction supposed to be.fuming mad or jsut supposed to laugh it off.i dont want to regret lettign it go.cos i aint gonan bring this matter up..there is a major grudge now,i feel that i cant forgive marc.he did it time and again.so much for the love i did have and the friendship that was all so true.i stretched my ahnds out and chose to forgive.each tiem i did so.i got slashed.and it hurts.wHy did i let that happen.did i believe too much in forgiving.i got it onto me.a person whom i highly respected.trusted.cared for.it seems thing would never get back to where they were.we have or rather i have fallen in too deep.i cant climb out of it..far too deep.far too long.i ignored it.it sowed.growed.and now i cant kill it.there will always ne the difference.nth can change that.dont speak abt revenge.cos its only the moment of joy that i got my payback.so what if you did that.the feelign comes and goes.but what abt the hurt.can it be washed away.only moving on can help.jsut by moving on.im all abt willign to pick up the pieces.i dont want to cry.tonight shall be the last i cry for you.i knwo ti all.the truth untold.no more rumours.no more lies.no more insults that caused the effect of today.what was my conclusion supposed to be.i feel broken and stoopid cos im always at the losing end.cos im weak.i cant be strong for myself. and it hurts so much.im drowning myself in tears/my lowest point so far in life.but im never alone.cos theres always God.mummy.who will always be there for me..yikes..dotn fall.i love them both so much.despite the many circumstances.they will never leave me..never.
i would love to thank all who have been there for me throughtout this major period in my life.the lowest point.
kat.dada.gen.rese.zel.nigel.avril.thanks for being my listening ear.i owe kat the most.she went throught a lot of shit today.thnaks bitch..love alls..thnask for fighting hard to back me up..
well.my conclusion in life.never look back to what has been done but to look forward and creat a better route for the future ahead.life will bring you the joy from there..thats all i need.crying now will make me feel better,be strong for myself and also for those who need me,i will survive this ordeal.i will make it and with that.i stand by the fact.things will never be the same.insults in life are truly a major issue in life.and with repeatitions.forgivness shall nto be granted.understand that.dotn fool around with me.i dont take it.i blow it back onto you.so in this battle.the success of getting over all affecting me..
this is nto the only issue we face.there are others.i have too.at hand.there are many and this shall nto be a minority neither a majority but to zilch of my life.
alight.shall we cut the crap abt all the sad stuff.i saw ian today.so cute.without glasses.he looks real good..yikes..and his expression to me.was oh my goodnes..*faints.i feel lighted for that..so yes..everybody i asleep.jsut drained energy by teaching bro chinese.i killed myself.*bish.
screamed at|12:01 am