Saturday, May 08, 2004
decided to do some reflection on whats with me now..
last night was truly wonderful..[im not supposed to say thanks.it will be the fourth time]but anws.many people feel that i am still stuck with not being able to move on..it all takes time..forgetting someone takes a lifetime.however.i will not forget him[as a friend that is] but all i know.i will forget all those feelings about him for sure.it will fade naturally.not by FORCE.never by that.im into that now..needing more time..to take me through..i wont deny there are still feelings.of cos there are.it was the deepest love ever.in my life.but i believe in a thing called friendship without love in a mutual way.im wondering if i can make it through.at the moment.aint gonna think more of it..i will give myself restrictions.it seems like loving is an insult.not being the loved.neither being the friend.on the other hand.not being loved gives you the friendship and i go for the later..i dont want to be unhappy all my life.solutions like leaving just suck.cos i aint gonna leave my celebs behind.you said i should prepare for the worst..ive got a premonition abt that too.and i know im strong to let it pass like that.just be there when i need a shoulder.it'll hurt but only for that moment.if i have forgotten by the time,they get together.all the better.i will scream with you on 9th dec..i know what i am going to feel.its as scary as it seems.last night was a call.and it made me so freeked out and scared that i wanted to cry.*oppszx.is that supposed to happen.i swore not to cry.but it shows that youre human.to show these emotions and feelings.what does it mean when you dream abt that someone!is that going to be a feeling of deja vu.
the hardest thing in life at this point of time is not being able to forget you..and yet.im dealing with it now..is it that big a matter.been thinking abt it.wHy?
.:i dont want to think about you or think about me.run away.run away.run away:.
screamed at|7:40 am
